One scientific theory of love is that when you fall in love, your brain stimulates the production of a cocktail of chemicals like dopamine and epinephrine which gives you a rosy outlook of life. You feel good about yourself and feel on top of the world.
You open your heart to share all areas of your life. You are more productive and tend to relate better with friends, colleagues and neighbours. You are in a condition called obsessive compulsive order which simply means you become mad and hence the phrase ‘madly in love’.
Any adult, man or woman, can fall in love. The challenge is what to do if you find you have fallen in love with someone. No matter how badly you think you have fallen in love with someone, proposing love to someone of the opposite sex can be tricky and risky.
The situation is far more difficult for a woman. This explains why most women do not propose to those they love.
Why most women do not propose to men
An Akan axiom says it is a dog that looks for a bone and not the other way round. In the Ghanaian culture and tradition, it is the man who is expected to propose. The woman is expected to show initial resistance or ‘woman do’ before she gives in no matter how much she loves the man.
A woman who proposes to a man is seen as fast, pushy, cheap, desperate and worthy of love because she has given ‘scholarship’ to a man.
If a woman’s proposal is accepted and problems arise later in the relationship, most men retort that they did not want the relationship in the first place and that it was the woman who forced herself on him. A man can use it to insult you. This can be humiliating.
Therefore, for a woman irrespective of her worth, fame, beauty and academic qualification, the psychological element remains - a woman wants to be proposed to and not otherwise.
Can a woman propose?
A relationship is the greatest emotional need of a woman. Whatever a man can do a woman can do better. In this time of gender equality where women have successfully invaded all areas traditionally reserved for men, there is nothing wrong with a woman seeking the desire of her heart. Put your pride and traditional norms away because nothing can be more important than the matters of the heart.
The good news is that whatever a man can do, a woman can do better. A woman has intuition and can read a man like ‘A,B,C... A man suppresses his emotions and has great difficulty telling a woman he loves her. If a man loves you but has a ‘pop’ mouth, you have to help him out.
How to propose to a man
The simplest approach is to show affection because actions speak louder than words. Show lots of caring. Create opportunities to be together because time together creates bonding. Call him just to say ‘hi’.
Send card and small gifts Give him ‘close marking ‘ but do it subtly. You may also ask him to do small things for you because men get emotional fulfillment as they help women. If you are good friends simple comments like ‘I have been thinking of you...what do feel about me, where is our friendship going?...may do the trick.
Chances are that you can get his attention and get him talking. Then you can afford to ‘stretch him small’ before giving him the green light. The message is simple’ If you find someone you love, go after him relentlessly. Get whom you love and not accept who loves you. It is far better to try and lose than to live in stress and pain.
In the Bible there are cases of women who proposed to men. For example in Ruth Chapter thrge, we read that it waS'Ruth who proposed to Boaz. The story of the daughter of Barzillac in Second Samuel also shows that a man can take his wife’s last name. In modem times, a handsome former President of the United States and a very popular hip rapper married the women who proposed to them.
In this 21sl century, there are more eligible women than men. Relationship manhunt has become very competitive. If you just sit there for someone to come, time may pass by you and you will be no match for the younger and more sophisticated women.
If you are ready for marriage and have prayed about it, the time to look for your spouse is now. The only way to play the game is to be on the field. If you find a man you love pursue him.
Take the bull by the hom before it slips through your fingers because others may be ‘wild ‘ about him. You must also make sure you have good intentions of developing closer friendship with the possibility of marriage but not just for personal benefit. The bottom line is that any man or woman can propose.
If you meet someone you love go after him or her. Love goes beyond sex and gender. True love is all that matters.